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Published Sunday, August 19, 2007
1985 ST. GEORGE'S, Grenada
By Valarie Duncan
We
were both 15 and had been friends for the past three years.
From
the very first day I met TJ, he wanted to have sex. I loved him and I knew I
would grant him his wish one day. I couldn't stand the look on his face
whenever I told him no.
His
birthday was coming up in a few weeks and I decided I would have sex with him.
That would be my birthday present for him. It was going to be a surprise.
Looking
back, I can hardly believe how stupid I was. At no point did I stop to think
that I could have contracted a sexually transmitted disease or that I could get
pregnant.
TJ
had always told me each he asked me to have sex with him that I would not get
pregnant because he was circumcised. I know that's laughable and it makes even
me laugh now whenever I think about it. However, I was so naïve. I had no idea
what it meant to be "circumcised" but I fully trusted TJ and if he said I would
not get pregnant because he was circumcised then that had to be the case.
Sometimes
I wonder if he genuinely believed that was the case or if it was just a
desperate attempt to have sex with me.
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Anyway, his birthday finally came and my plan worked well. They only way I was going to get around my mother was if I was going to church and it so happened that there was an activity at church that afternoon which she said I could attend.
I left for church that Saturday afternoon but the plan was always to stop at TJ's house first. He knew I was coming and he was smiling when he saw me. I knew that his parents were not usually there at this time on a Saturday afternoon.
We went inside and I proceed with my plan and gave him his birthday present. I will leave out the details. Suffice it to say when it was all over I was at a loss as to what all the fuss was about. Was this the great "sex" that virtually everybody wanted to have?
Well I guess for TJ, it was a different case. He told me that was the best birthday present he ever had and he really seemed pleased with himself.
I got sick some weeks later but none of the home remedies which my mother gave me made me feel better, so she decided to take me to the doctor.
I can never forget the look on my mother's face when the doctor told her I was pregnant. She cried for several minutes and I cried too. Strangely though, I did not cry because I was pregnant, I just could not stand to see my mother like that. I felt as though I let her down big time.
We went home and after a few days my mother was back to normal "somewhat."
One day she told me that she had spent too much money on me and she was not going to let her money go to waste. I did not immediately understand what she meant but I was soon to find out.
Not very long after my mother told me we were going back to the doctor. That was all she told me. I had no idea what was coming until I was there. The fact of the matter is, even if I knew before, there was absolutely nothing I could have done about it.
At no point since I discovered I was pregnant did an abortion cross my mind and my mother certainly did not tell me this was her plan either. She had made arrangements with the doctor, they both set the date and my unborn child was killed.
After the abortion, my mother told me she was giving me another chance and that if I ever did anything like that again she would personally take care of me.
Up to this point I am still not sure exactly what she meant by that but I knew she was very serious.
She forbade me from ever speaking with TJ again and she was going to do all in her power to ensure that her wishes came through.
As soon as I was well enough my mother told me we were moving to Trinidad so I could finish my schooling there.
Sometimes I hate my mother for what she did and how the entire situation was handled. When I had sex with TJ, it was never my intention to get pregnant but after I got pregnant, I was prepared to have my baby. I know I could have had the baby and then completed school, but unfortunately my mother did not see it that way.
This is a true story. Valarie Duncan is a Registered Nurse living in Trinidad and Tobago. She is using a pseudonym.
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